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ABOUT
THE ESTHER CODE
The Esther Code is an early identification tool for warning signs in relationships through four life-saving questions. The Code was written in memory of Esther Aharonovitch, R.I.P, who was murdered by her husband after receiving divorce papers, and in cooperation with her family. The Code is intended for professionals who make personal contact with a client, especially family law attorneys. When starting an attorney-client relationship, ask the client four yes/no questions to identify warning signs in her/his relationship. A positive answer to one of the questions will indicate that maybe there is a potential danger in the relationship. If the client is during a separation process from the spouse, the proceedings should be stopped and it is needed to prevent the client from separating alone. Contact a domestic violence specialist, undergo a risk assessment, and receive guidelines for safe conduct. It should be emphasized that the Esther Code is not a diagnostic or treatment tool, but a tool that helps to carry out prevention through early identification and referral to a specialist and thus save lives.
The Esther Code is a tool for the early identification of warning signs in relationships through four life-saving questions. Below is a text for professionals to read and ask when engaging with a client.
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"I am an ambassador of the "Michal Sela Forum". With your permission, I would like to ask four questions about your relationship. Feel comfortable sharing only what's right for you. It is important to emphasize that I am not a diagnostician and I am not an expert in the field of risk assessment in relationships. If you answer yes to one of the questions, the instruction I . received is that we will seek consultation.
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If one of the questions receives a positive answer, there may be a risk in the relationship. If the client is in the process of separating from her partner, pause the proceedings and ensure she does not separate alone. It is important to consult with a domestic violence specialist, undergo a risk assessment, and receive guidelines
for safe conduct.
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No privacy?
Is your partner jealous, obsessive, scrutinizing, and questioning your entire schedule? Don't you have privacy?
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Is he rummaging through your mobile or peeking into your bag without your consent? Does he snoop and question your entire agenda?
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Does he communicate or text intensively, very frequently?
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Does he ask for photographic proof of your location when you're not together? Do you send him documentation of places you've been (video, photo, receipt from a place you've made a purchase – so he can see a date, time, place)?
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Do you delete records of your conversations, contacts, or statements on social media because of it? Does he want to know your passwords?
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Do you avoid social gatherings (family or friends) that you wanted to go to because you anticipated resistance from him?
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Is he trying to control your social relationships? Does he come with you and attend meetings with a good friend and/or relative, more than usual? Does he want to drive you wherever you need to go, like work or a medical check-up?
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Does he comment on men's looks on the street? on your type of clothing? Does he invent romantic affairs that you have?
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Danger at home?
Are you "walking on eggshells" in your home?
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Just before he enters the house, do you feel alert and tense? Are you very careful - how and when to say something? Do you have a feeling that you have to walk "on eggshells" next to him?
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Does he tend to tantrum over minor things?
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Do his moods change from good to bad, for no apparent reason
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Is he "pitiful and dangerous": once pitiful, gentle, hungry for love and in need of someone to take care of him, and once aggressive and frightening?
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Do you feel, for some reason, that it's not appropriate for you to share your relationship with others?
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Are the children afraid of him?
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Extreme dependence?
Can't your partner live without you, to the point of threatening to do something extreme if you leave him?
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Are you worried that he will react harshly if you offer to break up? Did he threaten suicide or revenge on your loved ones if you left him?
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Does he beg for your forgiveness, buy you gifts or flowers, and promise not to behave abusively again?
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Is he in emotional and financial distress, isolated from friends and family?
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The martyr: According to him, his ex-partner betrayed him, you take care of him and try to restore his faith in women and the world.
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Deliberate evil?
Has your spouse threatened to harm you, your children, an animal, or your property?
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Is he looking for ways to take revenge and hurt you emotionally?
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Does he wake you up in the middle of the night and prevent you from sleeping?
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Does he do irreparable damage to property that was dear to your heart?
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Heaven and Hell - Does he publicly present himself differently? Does he ask you to be friendly and show in public that you were in a good mood, even when you weren't feeling well?
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Does he hurt you or humiliate you in public? Does he criticize your motherhood in front of your children?
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Does he have a background of harm to animals or objects? Addictions? Does he have access to weapons?
Adopt the Esther Code NOW and receive the ambassador kit
Attorneys and professionals who choose to adopt the Esther Code will become ambassadors of the Michal Sela Forum movement, actively working to save lives and prevent domestic violence against women. How does it work? Leave your details and receive the Ambassador Kit, which includes: The full printable version of the Esther Protocol. An ambassador certificate for display in your office. Files for social media. Support resources. Want your firm’s logo here? Details are inside the kit.
I want to be an ambassador
Do you want your logo to appear too?
Adopt the Michal Sela Forum's Esther Code!
The Michal Sela Forum's Esther Code was written in memory of Esther Aharonovitch, R.I.P, who was murdered in her home by her husband when he received divorce papers.
Academic advisor: Ronit Lev-Ari, Sarit Mizrahi, Dr. Yoel Shafran.
Written by: Lili Ben-Ami, Maital Graiver Schwartz, Orli Ovadia, Maayan Magid (daughter of Esther Aharonovitch).
Based on "Five Warning Signs" in Relationship of the Michal Sela Forum.